Holy Land

You would expect a trip like this to change your life.
You would expect something real, a smashing event that changes your whole world.
And then… it didn’t happen, there were no fireworks, no, nothing of the sort. But yet, something did change.
Perhaps I went there to get away from everything else, from the works, the stress, the life, the problems, the people, especially the thoughts…just to get away, to find a bit more of reason in my life, to find strength to go on, to find the truth of what I believe in….to find him, to get if just a tiny bit closer… I don’t know.
It was the day by day, each word that someone said, each place that we visited, each sight that took my breath away, each situation that brought tears to my eyes when I actually thought about where was I really standing on. Everything is so different from what it used to be, from how it once was when Jesus walked around there. There are huge constructions, way too many decorations, too much noise and countless distractions…..2000 years have gone by, and, you can’t expect everything to stay the same as it was. All these things are like a wall standing between you and what you want to perceive. I went to each place and just saw the superficial, the shallow, it could be any other place but it’s a holy place because of the name it has. That doesn’t really tell me anything…there are too many things standing in the way, preventing me to understand, preventing me to feel. I just had to.. to get up and over that wall, to cross the the gap between me and Him. It was the moment that I thought I was actually there, standing where he stood, looking at what he was looking, that I imagined him there, I stood there by his side, I watched as he would cry.
Someone told me during this trip that this wasn’t about feeling things, it is not the point of it, and feeling or the lack thereof shouldn’t be what dictates my faith, my experience. I know. Thank you, for telling me, for being my light during this time. I know I have this need to feel in order to live and to express what I have inside, but I also know, that I need to believe and live without this need. I know that faith is the most beautiful thing I could get, if anything, out of this experience. I hope I took it with me, I hope I didn’t forget it there. I hope.
Perhaps the places didn’t tell me much, it was more the relationship with each person there. It was the long talks, the sharing of thoughts, of experiences, the words exchanged, the laughs. It was the moments we shared all together, it was all of it. Perhaps it could be that I got more out of the conversations I’m taking with me than from the ruins I saw.
Im trying to remember, all that I took with me, all that I’m leaving behind.
If I could list all that I thought….all that I realized while there….the light it has brought to my life… I just wish it never fades away. I know at times though, it will. But if I could engrave something in my mind… it would be “don’t forget in the midst of darkness what you have seen clear in the light”.
I walked around Jerusalem at night…. And magic was all around.